How do we teach our kids to have character? It has been said that character is determined not by one’s actions in the presence of others, but by the choices he makes when he thinks no one is looking. That’s the kind of character that interests me.
The kind of character that drives a kid to say please and thank you with out being prompted at every turn. The kind that understands why we don’t allow someone to simply give us money without a little hard work to earn it.
The kind of character that would never allow us to downgrade a teammate who may have gone 0-4 from the plate that day, but instead would move us to give a kind word or a high five as they re-enter the dugout.
The kind of character that prompts one to put his chewing gum in the trash can and not on the ground for someone else to step in. The kind of character that causes a person to do something when he sees something that needs to be done, regardless of whether it’s his turn, his job, his mess.
I want our kids to have the kind of character that forces them to walk through the gate at a baseball game and pay the measly entry fee rather than sneak around the side or try to pass through unnoticed in a crowd.
It’s not enough in life just to look pretty, or to be smart, or to have the most friends. Character is doing the right thing despite all those qualities. Not relying on “being cute” to get you where you want to go in life. Looks fade; popularity is fleeting. But good character will stand the test of time.
So how can a mom even begin to teach these notions that are certainly so elusive to a little boy’s mind? These are my guiding principals:
1. Follow the leader is a game that is sometimes better suited for the playground than for life. If we are lucky, we may find great people to lead us. If we have character, we can learn to be one.
2. Someone is always watching. The simple fact of life is that nothing we do goes unnoticed. Whether it’s a little brother or sister, the kid in the grade behind us that thinks we hung the moon, or the little old lady who is completely indistinguishable in her porch swing behind those azalea bushes. Someone is always watching. Someone is always taking note of our character.
3. “Remember who you are.” It’s an easy thing to say, but a little more difficult to fully comprehend at five and six. But that doesn’t keep me from repeating it at every opportunity.
“Remember who you are,” I tell them as they embark on a road trip with someone else’s family. “Remember who you are,” as they run off to play, unsupervised, with a group of friends at the ball park. “Remember who you are,” after throwing (and subsequently kicking-twice) a helmet in frustration upon being put out at first base for the third time that night.
“What do you mean, ‘Remember who you are?’” the little one will ask.
“Remember who’s son you are,” I tell him. “You are Brisco Smith! Your daddy is Randy Smith. Your granddaddy is Larry Smith. Your great-granddaddy is Don Brantley.”
“I know all that,” he insists. “But what do you mean?”
“You are a Smith and a Brantley and a Sullivan, and we are all connected. The things you do reflect upon our family. Your daddy is a good man. A man with a good name. We don’t do things that would tarnish that.”
The boy looks at me with curious eyes. I know he doesn’t yet understand. But all knowledge has a wellspring from whence it first flows. It will come. It has to.
You see, character isn’t handed out at age 16 with a driver’s license. It isn’t doled out by the high school principal upon graduation. It is developed over time. It is taught. It is nurtured.
Are any of these lessons making a difference? Are our kids learning about anything important in life other than baseball? Some days I have to wonder. Especially when the examples I give them to follow are often so fallible. But onward we trudge. Learning and growing and making mistakes together.
A wise man once wrote, “A good name is more desirable than great riches.” A phrase that might by scoffed at in our day, when all signs point to getting ahead and the almighty dollar. However, this is a lasting truth, a pearl of wisdom. And with a little bit of luck and a whole lot of prayer, we’ll get there. After all, our boys have quite a legacy to uphold.
And that’s All in a day’s work!
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