The business of the home

Sometimes parenting can be so obvious, yet we still don’t get it until it hits us in the face. Or in my case, until I read it in a book.

In one of my latest reads, the author talked about how children should learn the business of the home by following parents in their daily tasks. Big revelation. What common sense. But when I actually stopped to think, I realized that many of my “daily tasks” take place when they boys are, quite frankly, out of my hair.

Sure, it makes sense to let the children follow me around, soaking up the lessons of the day, but let’s face it, a mom can get a whole lot more done if the children aren’t underfoot. After all, how many times should we fold and re-fold seven loads of laundry? And how will we ever get supper by six if it takes two kids and a mom three hours to boil four eggs?

Of course, there is something to be said for picking the right opportunity for learning. Perhaps teaching a two year old to mop the kitchen floor is a lesson better saved for a time other than ten minutes before Sunday dinner. And what mom in her right mind would consider a lesson on making chocolate icing from scratch only 30minutes before a nap? Like most things in life, when parenting, timing is everything.

One of Cooper’s birthday gifts was a pen striped, nothing-but-Yankee step stool. The boys are always wanting to see what’s happening on the countertops in the kitchen, so this week, we put that present to use.

Right away, both boys were tiptoeing on the top step and looking for some action. I had a few boiled eggs that needed peeling, so I thought we’d give that a whirl. After all, what could be more fun to a couple of little boys than bangin’ eggs on the kitchen cabinet-with mom’s permission, of course. Predictably, they loved every minute of it. From the meticulous, two-fingered technique of the elder to the sledge hammer maneuver of his little brother, both boys were bangin’ eggs like a couple of old pros. But our fun didn’t stop there.

Before I could clean the breakfast dishes off the table, they were begging for “something to stir”. Without a clean pot to cook in, I quickly improvised with a small mixing bowl for each. They had already located the wooden spoons and spatulas and were ready to whip up something tasty.

As I scavenged my brain and every kitchen cabinet for the least messy ingredients, all I could come up with was a bag of dry beans. And that seemed to satisfy them. They each stirred those dry beans around in their bowls for all of about 30 seconds. That’s when Cooper decided “the recipe” called for something more.

They’d each found a measuring cup and insisted on something to pour, so I meagerly gave them both some water. That too, was fun for a moment, but a split-second later, they were looking for what Cooper’s recipe called “more greed-ants”. I assumed that meant “ingredients” and since we’d just had a pot of beans over the weekend, I supposed a little soda and salt would suffice. At least we could soak another batch for later.

After all of the stirring and sloshing around, I almost had the entire kitchen-children’s prep area excluded-clean and ready for our next real meal. Now that’s what I call an opportunity for learning. But it seemed my boys weren’t satisfied with pretending to cook; they really wanted to cook their creations. So we added a little pepper, at our little brother’s request, and put those beans to the fire.

I’d like to say it was the perfect supper for our not-so-perfect pack, but after beans all weekend, a bean supper on Monday, and a Tuesday school lunch-of what else but brown beans-we never even tasted our little boys’ concoctions. It seems we’d had about all the magical fruit one household can handle.

We did “stir up” a batch of sugar cookies, although between the three of us we had little left to bake. But the fun of the experience far outweighed the short-lived sugar high and the crash that came soon after.

Regardless of the time we spend completing tasks when our kids are not underfoot, I know that they really are learning the business of our home. Cooper still helps me put the wet clothes in the dryer, and his new favorite task is getting “all the cold stuff” on the supper table. Brisco is big on emptying the dish washer. I think he’s intrigued about the possibility of finding a crumb from a cupcake or a trace of cheddar cheese lying in the bottom of the silverware container. Whatever his motivation, he’s learning to do it, nonetheless.

I used to joke that I was the type who wouldn’t change a roll of toilet paper until I read somebody’s “how to” on the best way to get it done. But being a mom is slowly bringing me around. Whether it’s bangin’ eggs or finding something to stir, these boys of ours are finding ways to create their own opportunities for learning. And teaching me a thing or two in the process.

And that’s All in a day’s work!

Favorites at four

We recently celebrated Cooper’s fourth birthday. As usual, I was planning for some kind of gathering that would include all of our favorite people: grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and all the many cousins we have in our family.

As things sometimes happen, we were hard pressed to find a time that was best for us all, so we decided to celebrate in stages. We spent the weekend with our favorite paternal pals and had a small party at Grandma and Granddaddy’s. From crunching leaves and jumping on the trampoline to driving in the sand pile and playing with cousins, this seemed to be an ideal way for a little boy to spend his birthday.

The festivities continued on Monday, with monster trucks and cupcakes-mixed and baked by the birthday boy himself. There’s nothing sweeter than devouring strawberry cupcakes-licked and stirred-by a couple of helpful, little boys…even if they do turn out a girly shade of pink.

I decided since he was lucky enough to get to celebrate his day with most of his favorite people, we would take a moment to make a list for posterity of some of his other favorites at his now tender age of four. This is what I discovered.

His favorite colors are orange and red, unless it happens to be on a “Dirty Sox” uniform.

His life, it seems, completely revolves around the old standbys: Thomas the Train and Lightening McQueen. And his newest treasure is Peter Pan. His favorite toys, movies and books are all derivatives of one of these.

His favorite breakfast is still Alto-meal, simply “because it’s good!” And with a little bit of thought, he decided that water and Sprite are his favorite drinks. “Sprite’s kinda good, so you can drink it sometimes.”

His favorite songs are “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Humpty Dumpty”, and his favorite outings are going to the mountains and to the park. How lovely it is that a child can still find joy in a pair of swings and a set of monkey bars.

His favorite friends are Kelln, Hunter, and Caitlyn for the obvious fact that “I just like them.” No further explanation is needed.

His favorite things to do with his little brother, Brisco, are driving trains and crashing race cars, and his favorite mommy-time activity is playing with toys. Any old toy will do.

And if there is one activity above all others that he could choose to spend his time doing, it would be playing outside with Dad. “You know, just playing baseball, and football and bak-set-ball.”

He’s ready for school, and he’s now “so much bigger” than Brisco, yet he’s decided to delay his decision to stop sucking his thumb when he turns four. “I just don’t think I’m ready,” he said wryly.

While his favorites at four are sure to change with time, it’s clear to me that this growing boy is as easy to please as chocolate icing on a cupcake or a moment of mommy-time in the middle of the floor. And while the presents and sweets were all welcomed with wide eyes and open mouth, I do believe he would have been satisfied enjoying a weekend of fun with his family: those who he considers the best of his four-year-old-favorites.

And that’s All in a day’s work!

Choke up

Some of the cutest and most hilarious comments in life come from our innocent children. I’m always amazed at their perspective and their interpretation of events and things in their world.

For instance, Cooper has decided that his curly-headed cousin has “wrinkled hair”, and that his mom’s “kind of looks like a bale of hay”.

Brisco is busy deciphering the many catch phrases that sneak into our daily conversations. He was practicing hitting the baseball one evening and although he was getting close, he was still missing on every swing. I couldn’t convince him to switch to a lighter bat, so I told him to choke up on the one he was using. He looked at me for a second and then immediately lifted his bat, turned his face toward the sky, and let out a great big cough.

It took me a minute before I realized what he was doing, but then I saw it, as plain as the big, yellow bat in front of my face. He was literally, “choking up”.

As I thought of these things, I came across a collection of similar statements by other innocent, young minds and thought they were certainly worth sharing.

Jack, age 3, was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked, "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot milk and one for cold?"

Melanie, age 5, asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

Steven, age 3, hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. Then he said, "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

Brittany, age 4, had an earache and wanted a chewable aspirin. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked, "How does it know it's me?"

Susan, age 4, was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said. "It makes my teeth cough."

Diane, age 4, stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked, "How much do I cost?"

Marc, age 4, was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

James, age 4, was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Jamie, age 4, was listening intently to the minister one Sunday morning. This particular Sunday, the preacher began, “Dear Lord,” with his arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment sweet Jamie leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill, little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

And that’s All in a day’s work!

Just say yes

It’s amazing how one tiny word can make or break the spirit of a child. Three little letters. One small syllable. But oh what a difference it can make. Whether it’s snack time or play time or tucking into bed time, finding a way to say yes to my boys seems to make everything right in their world.

I’ve learned my consent is actually my friend-an ally in times of traumatic, toddler terror. Like those trips to the grocery store when escaping from the buggy-belt is the only item on my boys’ list. How easily a simple “yes” could quell those agonizing, shopping fiascos.

Brisco is my storybook hero when it comes to celebrating the affirmative. It takes so little to make him happy, and he is always ready to tell the world and celebrate at even the smallest of victories. Typically, he is most excited when his snack time requests are met with a yes. From granola bars to graham crackers, his eyes start popping and his feet get to hopping and he’ll yell at the top of his lungs, “Cooooo-paaa! Mom said YES!!!”

We can forget containing his excitement if his desire is for sweets. He’ll dance in the aisle and sing in the streets for a dip of ice cream or a glass of strawberry milk. And if a piece of candy is what he’s eying, there’s nothing in life that could be more exhilarating than a nod of concession from mom.

Even in the midst of bowl full of Crispies, he’s asking about his next helping. And if mom says yes to a second yummy portion, that sweet, milky smile will slip across his face leaving a mom to revel in the joy she’s created with one simple word.

Sometimes no is a necessity; it simply can’t be avoided. But if the risk is less serious than injury or death, I’m willing to give my approval. After all, the grass will grow back and the windows can be washed and I really didn’t need that third pair of old tennis shoes. But the warmth in my heart when two proud, smiling boys bring me a dead Dandelion, planted in an old Reebok full of mud is a memory I’ll always treasure.

So when my gut starts to turn and my head starts to spin and I feel that old tug of reason, I just think of the fun a couple of brothers can have when the boundaries are lifted and the limits are stretched. I picture big, brown eyes and ear-to-ear smiles that no mother could dare disregard. And I hear the excitement in their voices as they shout in jubilation, “She said YES! She said YES! She said YES!”

And that’s All in a day’s work!

Lessons learned the hard way

The differences in children can be so vast that it boggles the mind. Simple things like the way they eat and the way they play prove it’s true: no two are alike. So it comes as no surprise that they must be disciplined differently as well. For Cooper all it takes is a rational explanation, but Brisco is determined to keep things interesting. From always attempting to get the last word to learning every lesson the hard way, this kid is certainly preparing to make life a challenge.

When little boy Brisco was a little bit younger, it seemed he knew just how to get us in a tizzy. Each time he was corrected, he had a “But…” or a “Well…” just waiting in the wings to defend his behavior.

We tried to control his endless excuses by accepting one simple response to our chides: “OK.” However, he has since learned to anticipate our admonishment, and it seems he will use this comeback to quickly cut-off his parents’ counsel, even before we’re finished giving it. He’ll throw out a lively “OK”, and with a smile on his face, hurry along with his business.

And the number of times this child has refused his parents’ forewarnings are far too numerous to count. From hot stoves to hot wax to the crack in the refrigerator door-apparently if pain doesn’t accompany the admonition, a parent’s warning is simply unheeded.

I know all about truth and consequences and letting kids reap what they’ve sown. Lucky enough, it seems the cause and effect of almost any situation has a way of finding my baby and teaching him the lesson no time out or leather belt could ever match.

Small lessons that even Cooper can comprehend are far more effective when they come crashing down around him. Last night, for instance, I told Brisco not to shoot baskets on his goal when there are clothes hanging from the rim. He decided not to heed my warning until the five-foot goal, wet laundry and all, came tumbling over on top of him.

Other lessons, while somewhat painful, are still best learned the hard way. And if I’ve told him once I’ve told him a thousand times, we don’t go outside naked. But he refuses to listen and has the absurd inclination toward playing outdoors in the buff.

Aside from the laws of modesty and decency, I’ve tried to explain that a boy could get hurt playing unprotected from the elements in these late-summer days in Oklahoma. He refuses to listen, playing happily in the bushes, grass and dirt-enjoying being one with Mother Nature.

I had mixed emotions, then, when he came inside last week, itching and scratching from head to toe. It seemed the mosquitoes had found his stark-naked body the perfect milking ground for their last feast of the season. I hated to see him all spotted and whelped, and I felt my heart sink at yet another lesson he’d chosen to learn the hard way. But in spite of my feelings and empathy for the boy, I felt a twinge of satisfaction knowing that he had gotten just what he asked for. I reminded him gently and with a great big hug that “This is what happens when we play naked in the yard.” Through his tears and discomfort, he simply replied, “OK.”

While a parent can often let logical consequences be her guide in raising children, there are certain times when we simply must intervene. We’re just not willing to let a steak knife to the toe or a semi to the face be a teacher to our sweet baby boys.

So when curiosity calls and the devil on his shoulder is tempting him to go against the laws of nature and the commandments of mom, I pray that my child will use a little more discernment and a little more restraint. I hope that he will hear his mother’s voice giving sound advice in his head. And I certainly hope his big brother is nearby, to yell for help if it’s needed.

But most of all I hope we can teach him to rely on the counsel of those whom he loves; to trust that mom and dad will never lead him astray; and to believe that sometimes in life, there’s a better way than the hard way.

And that’s All in a day’s work!