Those crazy kids

Kids are crazy, and they do their best to take their parents along for the ride. It often takes a big sense of humor and a gentle touch of sarcasm to simply make it though the day. With all the nutty things that come out of their mouths, sometimes we parents have to do our best to come back with something just as outrageous to make our point. We never really know if they are listening, until we get a text like this:

Mr. Wootton: “Can we feed your kids? We offered and they said they aren’t allowed to beg for food.”
I cannot believe they actually said this. No, I cannot believe they were actually listening when I said this!

Then there are times when we witness our children doing things that we think only the mentally unstable might try. For instance, when food is restricted, Brisco will resort to licking envelopes. It’s not a pretty picture, folks.

Much of the time, the lunacy of our offspring shows itself in the form of casual conversation.

Brisco: “Mom! Cooper’s diggin’ his hand in the back of his shorts!”
Me: “What?”
Brisco: “In his crack!” (Cooper close by, with his hands in the air, laughing hysterically.)
Me: “Hey. Go wash your hands with soap! That is dirty, and it will make you sick!”
Brisco: “Will it really make you sick, Mom?”
Me: “Yes. It will give you a bad disease. You go wash your hands too, just in case.”
Cooper: (emerging from the bathroom) “Mom, Brisco said I’m gonna get crack disease.”
Me: “Yep. He’s probably right.”

Brisco: “Mom! Can you flip a dollar in baseball?”
Me: “No.” (Wondering just how one might flip a dollar.) “Why?”
Brisco: “Cause we can’t find a coin.”

(Upon seeing Cooper, digging and poking around on the bottom of his shoes)
Dad: “Cooper! Stop touching the bottom of your shoes! That’s nasty! That’s about the dirtiest thing you can touch! You just walked out of a bathroom!”
Cooper: “uuuhhhh”
Me: “Shoes are always dirty. Don’t touch them. They will make you sick.”
Dad: “Yeah. You’ll get hoof-in-mouth disease.”
Cooper: “What’s that?”
Me: “It’s kinda like crack disease. You don’t want it.”
Cooper: “Oh, OK.”

Cooper: “I haven’t seen a two dollar bill in a long time.”
Brisco: “I haven’t seen a three dollar bill in a long time.”
Cooper: “They don’t make three dollar bills.”
Brisco: “Mom? Do they?”
Me: “Nope.”
Cooper: “Whoever becomes President maybe can get on a three dollar bill after they die. If I’m President, I’ll get on a 13 dollar bill.”
Me: “Why 13?”
Cooper: “I don’t know. I just like that number. I guess because of A-Rod maybe?”
Brisco: “I’d get on a 100 dollar bill.”
Cooper: “They already have 100 dollar bills.”
Brisco: “Mom? Do they?”
Me: “Yep.”
Brisco: “Do we have any?”
Me: “Oh yeah. Lots of ‘em.”
Brisco: “Oooohhh!”

Kids are crazy. They’ll believe anything.

And that’s All in a day’s work!