Naked Tuesdays

After getting the kids to bed a few weeks ago, I caught the beginning of David Letterman. It seems Dave is having trouble getting his son, Harry, potty trained, and he was asking Paul Shaffer for advice. The advice Paul gave was pretty odd-something about making up a potty song and singing it to make the kid go? Maybe it was a joke, I don’t know, but I found it interesting the lengths to which parents are willing to go to get their kids to take the plunge.

Cooper turned three last Saturday, and he still refuses to let go of the diapers. I let the issue die a long time ago, convinced that he would start using the potty when he was ready. Three days after his third birthday, he decided he’d give it a try.

When the four of us sat down for lunch that day, we were completely unaware that we were about to experience the incident that would forever after be referred to as “Naked Tuesday”. Leave it to a three year old to create a warm, family moment like this one.

After eating a little of his lunch that day, Cooper quietly dismissed himself to his room in search of a little privacy, as it is customary for him to do. After a spell of silence that was long enough to make us question the safety of our home and second born child, I was off to investigate.

As I turned the corner to go down the hall, I noticed that Cooper was standing in the dark, sucking his thumb, in a kind of awkward stance that seemed to insinuate that he was trying to tread lightly. I had no idea why until I asked the question I always ask when he mysteriously goes into hiding: “Cooper, are you poopy?”

His answer sent me reeling. As he stood there, wide-eyed and smiling, he said, “No, I just pooped on the potty, but I need a little help with this right here.” And he lifted up his shirt to reveal a massive wad of dung that was smashed between his sweatpants and his back.

As my own eyes widened and my chest began to ache from holding in my laughter, I walked him back into the bathroom only to find that yes, he had pooped on the potty, although he had left a few skid marks on the seat on the way down. And as I looked a little closer, I also saw that he had left his diaper in the bowl, along with the half-roll of toilet paper he had attempted to use.

I praised him for his effort and immediately put him in the bathtub, but not before I ran into the kitchen to release my hidden hysterics and drag Randy in to see what his son had just done.

We entered the bathroom to find Cooper in the tub, squatted down in a catcher-like stance, while letting the water from the faucet stream onto his backside. He looked up at his daddy, smiled, and said proudly, “I pooped in the potty, Dad. I’m a big boy now!” After a heavy poke in the ribs, Dad agreed and praised him as well, even though I know his mind was racing with laughter and a whole string of poop jokes just dying to come out!

I knew that this was a turning point in our quest for a diaperless bottom. How we handled this situation might well dictate the decision our boy made about continuing to use the potty vs. making a prompt return to the Pampers. I decided I’d simply follow his lead.

After sanitization, purification, and decontamination, the moment of truth was upon us: diapers, pull-us, or panties; the decision was his to make. To my surprise he picked option number four: the buff.

At first, I didn’t know what to do. I figured he would run around for a while, enjoying the moment, and then be ready to put something back on. I was mistaken, however, and ten hours later after he had used the potty five times, he was still naked as a jay bird. That is when I decided that if Naked Tuesday at the Smith house was what it was going to take to get this kid trained, then Naked Tuesday is what it would be.

I went to bed that night a little unsure of the progress we seemed to have made that day. Sure, the technique was somewhat effective while we were at home, but we couldn’t stay holed up in this house forever. What would tomorrow hold?

I’m saddened to say that while Naked Tuesday was a go, we had to put a halt to Naked Wednesday. We have strict rules against worshipping in the nude, even if he is just a little boy. Since then, unfortunately, his interest in being a big boy has significantly waned.

It’s easy to question other people’s parenting techniques until it’s our turn to do the job. Somehow making up a potty song no longer seems so strange. As parents, we do the best we know how at a game that’s sometimes nothing more than a combination of personality and dumb luck. In our attempts to do what may seem impossible, we sometimes have no choice but to think outside the box-to stretch ourselves to a place we may never have thought we would go. I suppose Naked Tuesdays would qualify.

And that’s All in a day’s work!