Skills for a lifetime

It’s always rewarding when we spend time and effort teaching our kids a new skill and they are finally able to do it on their own. We’ve reached another of those milestones with our boys.

Experts say that repetition is one of the best ways to learn something new. But what if the skill you are trying to teach is more than just a physical action or reaction? I’ve learned that repetition, coupled with explanation, modeling, and lots of patience can help turn children’s “habits” into skills for a lifetime.

We started trying to teach Cooper how to pray when he was very young. We would sit in church, and during the prayers we would help him fold his hands in his lap, while folding our own and bowing our heads. As one can imagine, this technique didn’t take right away. It required much repetition. However, through time and a little explanation about what we were doing and why, he eventually caught on and just sorta went with it when we would prompt him that it was time to “say a prayer”.

While this is the kind of thing about which I could live with him being a follower, the “fake-it-till-you-make-it” philosophy was not my goal. But with the mind and thought processes of a not quite two year old, I knew we would have to take what we could get. So we did.

We continued to discuss and model praying in church and at home, but what this kid needed was outside influence. He needed confirmation from someone other than his parents that this praying thing was not just something to keep him quiet while the “nice man took a nap” behind the microphone. Thanks to the loving teachers of his Bible school classes who continued to model and teach the same things we were teaching at home, he had what he needed to be convinced that mom and dad weren’t crazy. If Miss Suzy was telling him it was the right thing to do, then it must be OK.

Although the desire to please was there, I knew he still lacked the intellect to understand why in the world he was being asked to try this praying thing. But he continued to go through the motions, and as time passed-and with much encouragement-he would even help say his prayers at bedtime.

In the weeks and months since his second birthday, the independent urgings of toddler autonomy have started creeping in (that’s the terrible twos for us simple folk). He has, in his quest for independence and self-efficacy, had a complete change of “habit”. He will still (usually) sit quietly during the prayers in worship services and will participate in bedtime prayers (some nights), but he has decided a thumb in his mouth is much more fulfilling than crossed hands in his lap. And for now, that’s ok.

Thanks to big brother’s short term example, he has set the tone for the little brother. Brisco has just recently decided to elect himself the charter member and poster child for the toddler chapter of the local Amen club. All we have to do is whisper in his ear, “Let’s say a prayer,” and he’s got his head bowed and his hands folded together…although sometimes he manages to hang on to that thumb with his mouth. And as soon as he hears the speaker say, “Amen,” he chimes in with his very own, “Ameen! Ameen! Ameen!”.

I don’t know how long it will be before our kids completely understand the true motivation and meaning behind saying daily prayers. I know sitting quietly with folded hands is not a prerequisite for “good praying”, but it is a good way to start teaching our boys about reverence and respect.

Hopefully through continued explanation and encouragement-and the development of abstract thinking-they will learn to change this simple childhood habit into a meaningful skill to last their lifetimes.

And that’s All in a day’s work!