Words of wisdom

Communicating with our children can be one of the most engaging, entertaining, and gratifying moments of parenthood. It’s true, kids do say the darndest things, and they often light up our world with the simplicity and frankness of how they choose to say it. In truth, it is more often when grownups attempt to communicate on a child’s level that we encounter confusion. And it’s during these challenging times that we parents show our intelligence, or lack thereof, according to the words of wisdom that we choose to impart to our offspring.

It begins when they are still babes, oohing and ahhing at them in high hopes of making some sense out of the bubble-blowing we call babbling. “I think he said, ‘Mama!’ He just said, ‘MAMA!’”

No, he had an excessive amount of slobber building up on that oversized tongue God gave him, and the only way to get rid of it was to push it out with a grunt. We just wished for the word “Mama”. Besides, everyone knows a baby’s first “word” is DaDa. It’s the universe’s way of rewarding fathers for all the hard work they did during labor and delivery (cue sarcasm).

But we don’t really mind. It is still fun to listen to our kids as their language develops and help them learn about words and the way they work together… and then of course make lists of all the cutesy things they say as they are growing up just in case we need them some day when they are full of teen angst and rebelliousness…just as motivation. To encourage them in the right direction.

As they get older, our communication turns to necessity. Keeping our kids safe. Informing them of the dangers of their world. Even in this, though, we sometimes miss the mark. I remember long ago, explaining to the boys about a hot iron.

“This is hot. Do. Not. Touch. It will hurt you very badly.” Well, it seems that much blatancy was not enough for Brisco. He still had a few questions.

“Will it burn your skin?”
“Yes.”
“Will it burn Cooper?”
“Yes.”
“Will it burn Daddy?”

And out of nowhere, I heard myself say, “Yes, Brisco. It will burn us all. Fire is no respecter of persons.”

Oh. Well, that certainly cleared things up for him. Words of Wisdom.

Sometimes our communication can be an attempt to teach simple logic. All children have moments when they just want (not need) our attention. And while being attentive to our kids is important, I believe it is just as important to teach them to “self soothe”; to understand that there are times when a parent simply must do what needs to be done.

Case in point: when a mom’s hands are buried inside a roasting hen, preparing supper for the family, and the youngest child comes in for the third time with a want, a request, or a complaint, all sympathy on this mother’s part tends to fly out the window.

Brisco: “Mom! I need you!”
Me: “What do you need? My hands are in a chicken.”
Brisco: (pulling back his index finger as far as it will physically go) “It really hurts when I do ‘this’”.
Me: “Well, then don’t do that.”
Simple logic.

Similarly, after the third or fourth band aid of the day, put onto a skin abrasion that can only be seen microscopically:
Brisco: “When is it gonna feel better?”
Me: “I don’t know, Brisco. I guess whenever it stops hurting.”
It’s true, folks. And it requires no formal training.

Sometimes parents communicate during a moment of frenzied irritation, the worst possible time for the brain to configure a gentle, responsible, parental statement. And it is usually in these moments, that our kids let us know how un-wise we really are. Many times, these words of genius come in the form of a question. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always occur to our kids that these questions are rhetorical.

For example, after trying ceaselessly to gain our child’s attention, a parent might have a slight, politically incorrect slip of the tongue:
“Child! I’m talking to YOU! ARE YOU DEAF?!”

Now, I’ll admit, this probably isn’t one of those items one might find in “The Good Parent’s Guide to Proper Communication with Children”, but let’s face it, we’re all human, and when haven’t we said something to our child in a moment of frustration that wasn’t really in the best of taste, let alone something we’d want them to repeat to their Sunday school teacher?
And our child’s innocent response? “Mom, what does ‘deaf’ mean?”

Here’s another jewel. From the farthest reaches of our minds, we never envisioned ourselves asking our children the mother of all ignorant questions. The dumbest of the dumb. You know it. You’ve said it. Here it is:
“Do you want a spanking?”

I always remember my mom saying, “Ask a dumb question…get a dumb answer.” I suppose I should have heeded her advice. After all, do we really expect them to pipe up and say, “Spankings? You’re giving out spankings? I’ll take two, please!”
So much wisdom; so little time.

Yes, there are definitely occasions when parents are put to the test when it comes to effectively communicating with our kids. But no matter how challenging our chats might become, they are the moments parenting is made of. From the toddler’s first “NO!” to the day he discovers sarcasm, we parents are truly at our best when we learn to say what we mean and mean what we say, and when we willingly accept the seemingly impossible task of instructing our children with words of wisdom.

And that’s All in a day’s work!