Friday, December 10, 2010

A holiday shopper’s guide to motherhood

After listening for days to crazy talk about bargain hunting and purchase power, I’ve decided that motherhood isn’t all that different from holiday shopping. From the mere thought of planning for the most essential “purchase” of our lives to the moment we must wrap them up and give them over to independence, the journey is an up and down battle that can leave us wounded and scarred and desperate for a moment of peace…much like a long day at the mall. The interesting comparison, though, is not how similar the two experiences are, it’s the fact that by keeping an eye on the prize, a mother is sure to bask in what promises to be an amazing journey, and in the process, she just might make it through the checkout line alive.

The experts tell us to make our holiday shopping lists well ahead of schedule, to map our route and budget our money. Characteristics of any great planner. Likewise, is the mommy-to-be who starts making her “shopping list” well before the big event. At age 12 she knows for sure that she’ll have two boys and two girls, “…and the boys will come first so they can look out for their sisters and…” By age 21, she has made a list of her unborn children’s names, birth weights and possible career options. Instead of waiting for nature to take its course, she knows how many months each child will be apart from his subsequent sibling, the color of his hair, eyes, probable shoe size, and potential IQ. (Planning is good, but isn’t there something to be said for the element of surprise?)

As time has passed and technology has advanced, holiday shoppers are now able to take advantage of Smartphone apps and social shopping sites, empowering consumers in new and innovative ways. So too, has technology advanced motherhood through 3D and 4D ultrasound imaging. It then drags her through the crazy uncertainties of parenting an infant with the support of Google and Ask.com and fellow, mommy-bloggers who seem to know her plight all too well. And finally coming to her aid is a mother’s modern-day lifeblood: email and the social networking sites which seem to be the only way to stay connected to her sanity and former life through those demanding toddler years. Stay steady, mothers; you’ve got mail.

At last the biggest shopping day of the year arrives: Black Friday. The day following Thanksgiving. The beginning of the Christmas shopping season when retailers open as early as 4 a.m. and offer promotional sales to kick off the longest and most maddening day of their careers. Shoppers wait in the cold, endure road rage, buyer’s remorse and open themselves up to potential bodily harm should they encounter the wrong holiday shopper on a mission. In a nutshell, Black Friday is a mother’s equivalent to dealing with instant gratification, sibling rivalry, neighborhood bullies, and adolescence all rolled into one. Ho, Ho, Ho.

Finally, the worlds of holiday shopping and e-commerce collide to give customers what they really want: Cyber Monday. A day when money-savvy consumers can get all the goods, at great prices, without leaving the safety and comfort of their own homes. And isn’t all that exactly what we mothers want as well? To revel in the comfort of knowing that we can provide “the goods” for our children--knowledge about the important things in life. It simply takes sacrificing a few short years--a reasonable cost--all in the name of maintaining a warm and safe place to call home. Cyber Monday, baby. Bring on the reindeer.

So it would seem that the ultimate holiday purchase isn’t a 42 inch plasma HDTV with surround sound for $449.99. It’s more than the perfect pair of Marc Jacobs riding boots for half of half of half. No, the ultimate investment is not made on the busiest shopping day of the year. It’s made everyday that comes before and every moment that comes after. So when you are standing in the checkout line ten customers deep at 11 o’clock at night on Super Saturday, make sure what you’re buying is worth what you’ll get in return. After all, motherhood’s not about the purchase. It’s about the prize.

And that’s All in a day’s work!

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