Sometimes in the world of parenting, we only have a moment's notice to react to the situations our little angels create. Whether it’s a broken glass or a broken heart, we parents have to learn to think on our toes, or feel the pain of getting them smashed where we stand.
One of the best ways to parent, I believe, is to learn from someone else’s mistakes. So I’ve made a few mental notes for all those parents who, like me, are still in training.
-Nothing can make a parent feel like strangling their child more than the phrase, “NO FAIR!”
-A close second to the urge to strangle the offspring would be the impulse to apply duct tape to the mouth at the sound of, “I’M NOT PLAYING!” directly following the phrase, “NO FAIR!” (We are currently working on a more appropriate resolution to both scenarios.)
-Sarcasm really is wasted on four and five year old boys.
-While the phrase, “two a piece” sounds self explanatory, to a little kid on a sugar high, it’s not.
Me: “Brisco! I said two a piece! No more!”
Brisco: After shoving at least four Tootsie Rolls in his mouth to his cousin’s one: “Mom! I don’t know what that means!”
-Four year olds don’t realize it’s not ok to glue stuff directly to the wall unless you tell them.
-The word “maybe” means nothing. They prefer a yes or a no.
-Every once in a while, the answer to an everyday question might not render the response you expected.
Me: “What did you do at school today, Coop?”
Cooper: “Hmm. Well, they checked our heads again.”
Me: (choking on my own spit) “Oh really? Again? What were they looking for?”
Cooper: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Well, did they find anything?”
Cooper: “Not today.”
-Air-guitar in the middle of Wal-Mart is pretty funny for the first five minutes, but after the 200th time through the first four measures of “Bad to the Bone,” fellow shoppers begin to shoot air-pistols in the direction of your child.
-“A couple” and “a few” are much better understood with a specific number attached to them.
Me: “A few more minutes and then to bed.”
Cooper: “How many is a few?”
Me: “A few. Not too long.”
Brisco: “Is it like 20 or 40?”
Me: “No, it’s like a couple.”
Cooper: “How many is a couple?”
Brisco: “It’s like eight or 16.”
Me: “A couple is two. A few is three or more. You now have approximately thirty seconds to get to bed.”
Brisco: “What is a pox matey.”
Me: “Never mind.”
-Being happy that everyone in your house is able to dress themselves means not complaining when they show up at a basketball game looking like rodeo clowns.
-While to many, peeing in the gazebo might seem like an understood “no-no,” it really should not be taken for granted as such.
-For the most part, the boys don’t really know I write about them in my articles. It was brought to my attention last week that someday, they might not appreciate all the embarrassing stories I tell. But the way I’ve got it figured, when they start trying to raise their own kids, these stories will be all the explanation they need as to why in the middle of their utter chaos, Grandma can sit back silently, and smile.
And that’s All in a day’s work!
No comments:
Post a Comment