“Random thoughts on life, death, and other important stuff”

Brisco on Leadership
B: Who were you talking to on the phone?”
Me: “It was John from church.”
B: “Which John?”
Me: “The preacher, John.”
B: “Oh. You mean King John.”

Brisco on Verb Tense:
B: “Momma, It’s waffle day!”
Me: “Yes, but I’m all out of waffles.”
B: “You buyed some. I knowed you did.”

Brisco on Grooming:
“If you need a haircut, just go down to the Barbie Shop.”

Cooper and Brisco on Movie Quotes:
“You got nothing but a slop in the face.”
“Get outa my eyeballin’ seat you new meat!”
“The Aaaay card!”
“Sweep the leg!”

Brisco on Figures of Speech:
B: “Aw, my foot is…it’s just…”
Me: “Is it asleep?”
B: (Blank look)
Me: “If it’s tingly, that means it’s asleep.”
B: “Awww. It didn’t even tell me it was tired!” (True, folks. I can’t make this stuff up.)

Brisco on the Miracle of Life:
B: “Momma, were you born before Grandmother?”
Me: “No, Grandmother is my mother. I was in her tummy.”
B: “Who else was in there?”
Me: “Aunt Keri, but not at the same time.”
B: “Was Daddy in there too?”
Me: “No, Daddy was in Granma’s tummy.”
B: “Who else was in there?”
Me: “Aunt Rhonda, Aunt Regina, Uncle Ryan, Aunt Rachel, Aunt Becca, Aunt Rhetta, and Aunt Robyn.”
B: Eyes wide, brow furrowed…“Oh, uh, never mind.”

Brisco on Effective Advertising:
(At random, while driving trains through the living room.) “Hyundai! Hyundai! Hyundai!”
“Hey Momma, I have a secret.” (Whispering in my ear) “Lowes Knows.”
While playing Star Wars with their light sabers, I hear Brisco from the other room, “You have the power of the Home Depot!”

Cooper on Literal Thinking:
C: (at worship one evening) “Mom, did God used to live here?“
Me: “What do you mean?”
C: “Well, people keep saying it’s God’s house. Where did he go?”

Brisco on Random Thoughts:
B: “Are there still dinosaurs in this world?”
Me: “Nope.”
B: “Is Tom and Jerry on this planet?”
Me: “No. They’re in Cartoonland.”
B: “Is that a long way from here?”
Me: “Depends on the day of the week.”

Brisco on Entertainment:
“Come on, Harlie, let’s trap Bessie (the 11 year old Labrador) so we can take her paw print on the etch a sketch.”

Brisco on Death:
B: “Momma, we’re all gonna die someday.”
Me: “Yes, that’s true.”
B: “So, are we really gonna die?
Me: “Yes, I think we probably will.”
B: “If I eat this, will I die? If we never eat, will we die? If you hold something in your hands, will it die?” (On a cloudy day:) “Did the sun die?”

Brisco on Shopping:
“If they’re out of steak at the store, you can just go to Brance’s.”

Brisco, Scared Straight:
After being repeatedly warned about playing outside without shoes, Brisco lost the battle and almost ripped off his toenail; however, he refused to wear a band aid. Finally, after soaking his foot three times a day to remove the dirt and fuzz that would accumulate on the wound, I took another approach.
Me: “Brisco, if you don’t wear a band aid on this toe, I think it might die. And then it will fall off.” (He only cried for a minute.) And then…
B: “Well, I guess I’ll wear a band aid then.”

That worked so well, I tried this one:
Me: “Brisco, if you don’t quit peeing outside, a bird is going to come along and bite off your wienie.” (What? It could happen.)
B: (Taking pause for a moment) “…ummmm…hmmmmm…” At least I’ve got the boy thinking.

Third time’s a charm:
Me: “Brisco, don’t put the banana peel in your mouth! It’s nasty!”
B: “Why is it nasty?”
Me: (Thinking quickly) “Monkeys pee on them!”
B: “Ugh. That’s disgusting!”
Score one for Mom.
And that’s All in a day’s work!