As a general rule, I like to look at the bright side of life. I try to take every thought captive, thinking positive and encouraging my kids to do the same. But let’s face it; I’m only human. And every once in a while, a mom has one of those days where nothing seems to go her way. From daylight till dark, one kid or the other is barking or bawling or begging for a beating. Whether they’re fighting or fussing or being just plain mean, some days, that glass-is-half-full philosophy can get a little hard to swallow.
It is on those days that I love to read Maxine. She’s the tell it like it is, seasoned old gal who can put into words whatever cut-throat, sarcastic, borderline-shameful thought everyday women like us would never think to utter…at least not loud enough to be overheard. She makes the truth seem funny and reminds us, in her own special way, to take life in stride. And while she has opinions on everything from men to aging to being just plain stupid, I’ve discovered that most of her witty espousals are pretty applicable to being a parent.
You gotta love Maxine. And here’s just few reasons why.
“There is no vaccine against stupidity.”
“When gas prices reach $5 a gallon, it should include a free box of wet wipes.”
“I’m ready to listen. Are you ready to think?”
“Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.”
“Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.”
“Well aren’t you just the most adorable black hole of need.”
“Shhh…that’s the sound of nobody caring what you think.”
“I don’t know what your problem is…but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
“Don’t make me use UPPERCASE!”
“If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.”
“I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
“Everyone seems normal, until you get to know their children.”
“If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance.”
“My social life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.”
“How do you prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.”
Thanks, Maxine. I feel better already.
And that’s All in a day’s work!
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