Clorox Kids

“I eat food off the floor.” “I play with my boats in the toilet.” “I don’t wash my hands.” These are the charming phrases spoken by the adorable little kids in the most recent Clorox commercial to hit the airwaves, and boy does it hit home at our house. I keep watching to see if they have any follow up spots with quotes like, “I pick my nose.” “I drink my bath water.” “I lick public salt shakers.” If not, I’m calling Hollywood. Our boys seem destined to be cast as the next couple of Clorox kids who have really dirty habits and ornery little grins.

I don’t know what it is with kids and germs. We’ve been trying to teach Cooper (“I suck my toes.”) to cover his mouth when he coughs. Of course being right in the middle of the now terrible three’s, he finds it satisfying to cough in my face repeatedly, after being told to cover his mouth. He doesn’t understand about germs and colds and the spreading of infection. That’s a mother’s job.

Brisco is really past the age where he can understand about things being “yucky” and “dirty”, but it just doesn’t seem to bother him at all. (“I eat dog food.”) I began thinking about how it was that we approached Cooper on this topic when he was younger to see if we were handling things the same.

With Cooper (“I pick my brother’s nose.”), I was a fanatic about the cleanliness of the carpet and the floor and his eating surfaces especially. I remember for Christmas that first year we even received a rubber, take-along placemat to use at restaurants to keep him from dropping food onto the table and eating that which he had dropped. I guess things really change after the first kid.

I got caught a while back letting Brisco eat some popcorn that he had dropped on the ground at the ball park. One of the boy’s dad’s tapped me on the shoulder and said, “It’s ok, Mom. Nobody else is looking.” I just gave him a weak smile and shook my head in shame.

It’s not that I don’t want to be on constant germ patrol with Brisco (“I sit in the dog bowl.”), I simply don’t have the energy. Between lecturing about the dangers of smashing fingers in slammed doors to keeping them away from the hot stove while I’m cooking, I figure I’m doing good just to get them to bed at night without any visible marks of battle.

I can remember the days when Cooper was a baby. I would freak out when he would scavenge the area under his high chair for crumbs or drippings he’d lost during meal time. Now I consider it a helpful chore when Brisco does the same.

Randy and I took the boys and our parents out to lunch on Sunday. After Brisco finished his plate, he began to get squirmy, and a little silly. Before I knew it, he had his head down on the table, mouth open, tongue out, licking that surface clean right there with every man, woman, and child within a 20 foot radius looking on. With an inner cringe, a wave of nausea, and a bad case of the shakes coming on, I took my teenage sister-in-law’s advice and simply refused to look.

I know germs are invisible to children and are a concept far beyond their reach at this age. I also know that sometimes the more of an issue we make of something the more our kids seem determined to try it. So, for now I’ll just continue to do a lot of cringing and head turning. Maybe if I squeeze my eyes closed tight enough it will all disappear. Or, maybe Clorox will come knocking.

And that’s All in a day’s work!